Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
