so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
