Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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