Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So many bounce houses so little time
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
