Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize