remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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