i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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