Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
