If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
