Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
