We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize