whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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