So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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