so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize