Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
