Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is wine microwaveable?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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