talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize