it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
