i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
