How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize