exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This house was built for laser tag.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
