I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
