I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
