Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
