Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
