Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
