Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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