Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
