Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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