but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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