Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize