Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is the high leading the old right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize