can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
