and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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