Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
