If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
