In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Buhtt sex?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
