i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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