We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
