Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
