After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
