Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
