oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
