fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
