If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
