If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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