Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
