glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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