Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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