so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
