Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
