2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
