I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
