Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You don't make any sense
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