Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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