i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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