Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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