I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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