: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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