She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize