When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
