Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize