A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
