If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
