I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
