Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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