i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
