woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
