Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize