She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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