remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
