I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
