Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
