I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize