You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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