im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
