I should be sponsored by Trojan
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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