Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
