considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
