The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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