he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
