Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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