All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
