I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
