Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
