Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
