Your tits are I can't wait for
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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