meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
