Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Barsexuality is the new black.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
